Despite changing attitudes in the Western world toward children and childbearing and childrearing, my experience has been that barrenness is still, for those who suffer from it, a source of deep disappointment and heartache. That book of ancient wisdom, the Book of Proverbs of the Old Testament, includes the barren womb among those things never satisfied:
“The leech has two daughters.
‘Give! Give!’ they cry.
“There are three things that are never satisfied,
four that never say, ‘Enough!’:
the grave, the barren womb,
land, which is never satisfied with water,
and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’ (Prov. 30:15-16).
Here, strikingly, barrenness is numbered alongside that other primordial affliction upon humanity: the grave, death itself. Because of this, it is perhaps not surprising that barrenness serves as an important symbol and theme in the Bible. In fact, in a number of the stories in the Old and New Testaments barrenness is as a key feature of the development of the plot, and, more importantly, a key obstacle to be overcome by the grace and power of God. So we read that all three of the wives of the patriarchs of Israel, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, were barren for a season (11:30; 25:21; 29:31). We read that Hannah, the mother of Samuel, the last great Judge of Israel, was barren (1 Sam. 1:1-20). And we read that righteous Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, the herald of the Lord Jesus himself, was barren (Luke 1:7).
However, I believe there is something particularly bitter about barrenness, which is why barrenness and bitterness often go hand-in-hand in the heart of those afflicted and affected. There is, understandably, of course, something deeply vexing about wanting to bring forth life, and yet not being able to do so. This is because there is nothing closer to the core of our common humanity than the impulse to bring forth life. Fertility, or, to use the biblical idiom, “fruitfulness,” is one of the reasons why we were created in the first place: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth,” God said to Adam and Eve in the Garden (Genesis 1:28). Hence, I believe, the deep bitterness of barrenness, because the barren woman is not able to do, in a very real sense, one of the very things she was created to do.
Yet while the bitterness of barrenness is understandable, it can also be toxic. In fact, bitterness is often poisonous. It is corrosive. It is debilitating and distracting. Indeed, bitterness about this one thing, barrenness, has the ability to sour everything, the whole of life. Ironically, as in the case of the bitterness of barrenness, it can in the end be life-taking, not life-giving. What, then, should I do if I am wrestling with the bitterness of barrenness?
- First of all, don’t be bashful about bringing your bitterness before the Lord. God is big, and big enough to handle your bitterness. He might not be pleased with how bitterness has worked its way into your heart – bitterness is, after all, a sign of unbelief – but He is certainly big enough to hear what’s on your heart: your disappointments, your frustrations, your anger, your heartache. Don’t hesitate to express this to Him. If you have a lament or grievance, set it down in front of the Lord. Stop carrying it on your back. There are myriads of examples throughout the Bible of disappointed saints, who do just this sort of thing. In fact, the Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, knew first-hand the anguish of disappointment as he hung from cross for the sake of our sins and cried out in a loud voice: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34).
- Second, we must remember, as much as we might like to choose to forget, that barrenness is part of our fallenness. We live in a world wrecked by sin, and one of the consequences of sin is barrenness, a failure to conceive. In fact, barrenness, as with the grave, is one of those painful yet profound reminders to us all that all is not well with the world. What was intended to bring forth life, the womb, does not and indeed sometimes cannot. This is the byproduct of sin; the barren womb is one of the casualties of the Fall.
- Third, as hard as it is to embrace, we must affirm that God is sovereign over the womb, whether in birth or barrenness. It is He who closes wombs in barrenness, and it is He who opens wombs in birth. As was the case with Hannah, the Bible says the Lord “closed her womb” (1 Sam. 1:5). And as was the case with Rachel, the Bible says the Lord “opened her womb” (Gen. 29:31).
- Fourth, we must use the bitterness of barrenness, as with all disappointment, as an occasion to turn to the Lord in repentance and faith - not unbelief. “Is it not from the mouth of the Most High,” says the writer of Lamentations, “that good and bad come? Why,” he goes on to say, “should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins?” (3:38-39). Instead, he instructs us, “Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord!” (3:40).
- Fifth, we need to remember the steadfast love of the Lord amidst hardship and disappointment and embrace the fact that His mercies, though not always obvious, “never cease” and are “new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23).
- Finally, we need to look to that brighter Day, when all, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, will at last be made right. Then God Himself will “wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). Barrenness, as with death itself, will be one day be swallowed up in victory (1 Corinthians 15:54-55)!
5 comments ↓
No one would have ever thought that I was barren. I married at the very end of my twenties and became pregnant within months and had many children. Because I wanted to have children, I did think about “what if I could not have children” before I ever encountered the problem.
Still, I did have a season of barrenness and I had to “deal” with my desires not meshing with God’s plan. I had prayed for another child and did not conceive for 5 years. I went through a period of doubt and questioning, then anger, then acceptance, and finally contentment. At that point, God choose to give us a child. It was surprising and I was a bit upset when I conceived I must admit; remember, I was finally content. In very short order, I was filled with real joy and was doubly blessed with two children within two and a half years as God lavished his blessings on us. I can say I was never bitter, but I did wrestle with the fact that God’s plan, not mine, will determine the end result and that I need to submit to his authority willingly finding joy in knowing that he loves me and has a reason, a purpose for his design. I may never understand, but need to trust his plan is the best. It helps to mold me and others into the people we need to be for him, a part of the body of the church that serves and worships him.
Thanks for your perspective on this issue. I find that acceptance of God’s will as it relates to barrenness is just one of example of accepting God’s sovereign will over our entire lives.
to barrenness and bitterness I would also add “brokenness”.
Looking back on my 5 year wrestling match with the Lord through infertility I see what a time of brokenness it was. I think that is the option God seeks for us in times of ‘barrenness’…we can either be bitter or be deeply broken.
I also agree and appreciate your noting that barrenness is a particulary deep struggle. In my 20+ years of following Christ I have never wrestled more deeply or approached more ‘quiet times’ with only sobbing to offer (much as Hannah did in her temple visits).
And I too was amazed in my own studies of infertility in scripture to realize the “God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” was naming himself with three men who dealt with infertility. It was amazing to sense God’s nearness through those scripture stories, but there were also long days and personal study times when he felt far away.
I’ll add one more scripture story I don’t think people associate with infertility or barreness, but it spoke to me and may help others facing this. The Lord felt it valuable enough to include in 3 gospels… Luke 8, Matthew 5, and Mark 5:25
“And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had; yet instead of getting better she grew worse.”
If you’re not familiar with today’s medical treatments, her “many doctors”, “suffering” and “spent all” applies.
Infertility treatments involve lots of doctors (i had to go 3 mornings a week for a long time), needles, tests and money. And in my case I had bleeding for an entire year.
You pay hundreds of dollars a month to learn yet again, you are not pregnant. God has not answered your cries. It is almost unbearable.
So in conclusion, it was my lifeline to find that God speaks through his Word to the barren woman or couple. I honestly did not find a lot of direct comfort or discussion of barrenness in my christian community, so I dived in through personal study time and just tried to hang on.
God has blessed me with a child now. Praise the Lord!
But I hope we Christians (myself included) can learn to better share scriptural truths with, and help carry the burden of infertility more couples face today.
Todd, great topic to address…. I wonder what prompted this? I have to say that the main thing that my wife (kjmil) and I ran into at the *church* level while struggling through this was “silence”. I don’t think that many people feel equipped to counsel others, or even simply to sensitively sympathize with them, on this all-too-common topic.
I, too, would like to express thanks for addressing this difficult issue. After experiencing recently experiencing a miscarriage during our first pregnancy, I can to realize that I was harboring bitterness toward the Lord. I knew that something was unsettled in my heart in that it was difficult to pray or to sing songs or worship because it felt like if I did, I’d somehow be submitting to these circumstances as God’s will for us. I don’t know what I was intending to prove by my resistance, but I realized that my resistance was more than “just where I was at right now…” which was the way I excused my sin. I’ve confessed this as sin. Now, we’re learning to live with hopeful hearts, but also learning to be contented with where God has us right now. Thanks for everyone who shared their experiences here.
thanks but no thanks.
None of this helps as I find all postings are coming from women who EVENTUALLY had a child. I had endometriosis since 12, followed by cysts and fybroid tumors after 40yrs. I came to know the Lord at 38 and married for the first time 3 weeks before my 40th birthday. My husband had a child from a previous marriage who does not live with us, is now 20yrs old and we never see him. Shortly after trying naturally to conceive after the wedding, we tried IVF, adoption, even adoption of special needs and were told by everyone that we are too old to be considered.I am now aproaching 49 and realize I will never have a child. I hve only led two women to the Lord, only one of which is showing fruit of the Spirit. Bitter? You bet.
Another (of many) co-worker today just announced her pregnancy after only being married since November 08. I cannot stop the tears from falling as I congratualte her because she is so deserving and such a natural mom (to be). but I think to myself – does this mean that I would have been a terrible mom? The bible does not speak of normal women (who were not cursed because of sin) who REMAINED BARREN. I have no point of reference except to hold my tongue and hold out for the hope of heaven – yeh , well what about the millions of other women neside me that can enjoy motherhood now. I feel like Esau without having sold my birthright – “bless me too, Father!!!!
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